Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Feelin funky...

So I have been feeling a little out of step lately, I am not sure if it's distraction or just the busy-ness of life before Christmas, but I actually feel a knot in my stomach from not writing much lately. I don't have a cute story today, or a new fact, neither have I learnt anything new as of late. But I just need to write! It feels good to be here, which is a funny thing to me since I can be quite bad at talking - I often feel as though I stumble over my words more than I ever make much sense. By which then my head feels clogged with words that need to get out... right now I feel a bit dizzy with thoughts!
As the year comes to a close, I seem to scramble at finishing projects that are long over due and I have this overwhelming drive to organize, purge and discover something new to take me into the next year. So yes, you could say I am distracted. By my house. It's 90% done, and whether it's money or time, I can't quite figure it out, but those last 10% just seem to linger on and on. It hasn't bothered me much in the last year or so, but since the beginning of this month, I just can't stand the sight of unfinished floors, bathroom walls that need fixing, the lack of curtains, and moss green trim around two doors downstairs. I think I must have inspired myself to learn by doing with last weeks post, and so instead of waiting for stuff to get done, I am going to figure out how to do it myself. Don't get me wrong here, my dear husband is not lazy by any means, in fact he's super busy and when there is free time, the kids deserve that time, so the house has been put on a back burner. The problem with repressing these needs for the last while, is what always happens when we hold back words or feelings - they suddenly burst and we bubble over. I am beginning to feel better already...
I must add here that cooking and hovering over a warm stove is what keeps me together at times when other things seem, well, not together. The worry of high heating bills and the need for a new dryer just seem to vanish as I work 4 pots at once or knead a big ball of bread dough. Some days I find myself hiding in the kitchen all day long!
My Gourmet Group had our second dinner last weekend, and I loved every minute of it - not even so much because of the food, all though it was food prepared in ways I had never tried and I did love every minute of that as well - but because here we were, eight ladies, excited about having created a meal together and enjoying each others company. It felt so Christmas-sy, so warm and relaxing. One of our ladies had never tried asparagus (yeah, I was surprised too!) and, oh my goodness, was I excited to be there when she did, almost like being there for a birth of some sort. Who says you need a restaurant, or a chef and wait staff for a good dinner party, entertaining at home is where it's at (for me). I get impatient with myself and my hosting skills at times, it reminds me of being a kid and trying to learn how to play the piano - I just wanted to play and do it perfectly without the trial and error and all that practice. At the same time I don't want to rush this last year before both of my girls are in full day school and I will be back at work (that was the plan from the beginning and I intend to stick it out), but those dollars do tempt me at times. In the meantime I am discovering ways to make things happen using what I have, or looking to nature and and basic items and creating something out of not much. That in itself is an art, let me tell you... but one I hope to keep even when I don't necessarily need to go that route.
So I will sign off with a link to a little something that I like to peek at with my morning coffee just about every day - As much as I love food, I have this thing for decorating, and I love it when a house or a room tells me about who lives there. Most of the spaces on this blog I would never adopt into my own home, but they spark creativity and encourage me to be who I am and to be proud of it! It can be boring to play it safe. I'll leave safety to driving and walking on ice in the winter... Thanks for listening!

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